My thoughts at this moment

new semester sounds fun, though wrought with challenges. loving dr. A's class. though i went without mental and emotional preparation, it was like finding the door blindfolded. everything felt familiar. like duck swimming in water.

gonna savour the last moments of my life as an undergraduate. still afraid of leaving uni. still afraid of what will come after uni. still afraid of disappointing my parents. still afraid that i won't make the cut.

but i'll face the problems face to face. it's the only way out of the mess.

reason for my unpreparedness for school was that i was still reeling from the aftereffects of that camp i participated in last weekend. one of them is that my english suffered a little bit, vocabs are failing me big time and fluency takes double the time.

however, my mandarin didn't improve a lot either. i still have trouble recognizing spoken words and writing chinese characters. i forget even the simplest words. and it takes me double the time it took me writing than when i was still studying the subject, which is 5 years ago. =.=

still reorganizing my emotions. still processing what i managed to remember from all that sharing we had. still trying to maintain the courage that i found, coz i don't want it to wane just yet, coz i want it to sustain for my remaining years.

a camp worth remembering. not that i had many lightbulb moments. still, i was inspired nonetheless. was mostly inspired by the depth of people's sincerity and their capacity to give and love.

it made me understand things differently. made me dig deep within for answers, exactly what my intention was. and got what i wanted.

i can't say that i totally found myself in those three days, but i found other doors. doors i can open without feeling afraid of what's waiting for me behind the door.

that reminds me. i still have to type that reflection paper, in chinese. dang, i wouldn't be surprised if it takes me one whole day to do that. though i've written it down on paper, i was expecting to rewrite it again, coz i have a clearer mind now than then. gawd......i think i won't even finish it in a day. *漏气*

if my english sounds weird to you, i apologize. told you i lost part of my english brain somewhere.