a defining moment

i didn't mean to spill all. i was expecting her to give me some feedback first then see where it'll take me. now i kinda regret that i didn't ask for her opinion first. coz i wanna know the answer.

but...when the dam opens, it opens.
and i couldn't stop even if wanted to.

thank you for your sleep time, your ears and your concentration.
and sorry for hogging your sleep time and your energy.

thank you. and sorry.

it's still difficult, baring yourself for all to see. there'll always be people who shies away after that, there'll always be people who condemns you for that, there'll always be people who abandons you after that, there'll always be people who wants to help you, when all you need from them is their time and ears. not their judgment and certainly not their sympathy. and most times, they don't even wanna hear about it three sentence into the topic.

yes, all of those hurts. on different levels. and yes, because of that, i've shunned away people that was important in my life. coz i couldn't deal with the hurt, even though i can understand why they do what they do.

what they think of me after that, i have no idea. do i wanna know? i'm not sure. and yes, i'm afraid of the answer.

i don't need support, i don't need pretty words, i don't need sympathy, i don't need understanding from anyone. i just needed to break the dam. yes, i know it's selfish. to explode just like that and bother the surrounding people. but if anyone needs the same thing, i'll gladly take the same role.

you, you, you, you, you, you, and you, thank you.