walk away

i still find it hard to walk away from any child. even though they were angry at me. even though i know it's the wisest to do so. even though i know i need to cool my head and give them space.

even though i know that persuading or coaxing them is not the wisest nor the best way, i still do it anyway. coz i hope that i can somehow make them feel better.

it felt like i'm giving up. to walk away.
it felt like i'm admitting defeat in our battle when i was indeed battling with them. coz there are just certain things that i would not allow. and i want them to know that they won't get away with it from me.

yeah...it makes me cruel. yeah...i'm very strict in those aspects. yeah...it hurts when they get angry at me because of that.
but i stand by my principles. even though i always question myself whether they're really that important, if they're really relevant to the child. and if and when they learnt the lesson i was standing firm on, i feel really happy and proud and relieved that they finally understand why i do what i do.

but these past weeks, i'm reminded of something i learnt a few months ago: i don't always have to win.
i think it's my ego and pride in play, wanting to win every single one of my battles.

i'm reminded that it's okay to concede the battle, then come better prepared next time when i'm ready to do it again.
i'm reminded that retreating is sometimes the best way for both sides. and this is especially true for me. coz i was tired from fighting all the time.

i guess working nonstop without taking a break emotionally and mentally does take a toll on my effectiveness. makes me forget the important principles and tips that are at the core of this job.

well, i guess i need to learn how to take a break too.