early this week, i just realized that this is my 12th month working as a special ed teacher with P7. time just sneaks by you, doesn't it? especially when you're doing what you enjoy?
looking back, i've definitely grown considerably, both professionally and personally. more grounded and steady i think. i still have that confidence issue and emotional management issue though. oh well...mini steps one at a time.
i still have lots to learn. lots of skills to expand. be more aware of the purpose of my actions, instead of heading into situations with my gut instinct, and sometimes find myself going about things in all directions. confusing, really.
my conversational english definitely became more fluent. but not with as much depth as i'd have liked. though it's not a problem when i'm talking with mt. weird, this. once in a while, i still get stuck. the words just fail me. sigh.
and my malay, really, is as fluent as a kid's. my mind just couldn't make that switch. sometimes i sound like a mat salleh trying to speak the language. appalling, really.
guess i'm too used to speaking in english when i'm in working mode. i wonder whether the parents who are not fluent in english understands me when i speak to them in their mother tongue (cantonese or malay). bad communicator, me. =.=
i still feel helpless and frustrated when i hit a wall. be it building rapport with a child, or managing the class. especially when the child doesn't seem to absorb the things we've been working so hard on. i know this is all part of the work, part of building our skills, and part of the child's learning process. but i still feel as though i've failed myself and the child.
on another tone, i've been enjoying and having fun with the kids. the music and movement sessions are getting crazier with the new stuff brought in by Steph. the theatre class is so much fun as well with JJB. speaking of which...i'm gonna do some stuff we're learning in our m&m sessions.
art n craft is fun yet challenging. getting them interested is relatively easy. but making instructions simple yet maintain that fun atmosphere is difficult. they're easily distracted as it is, and when it gets boring or too many stuff to do at one time, you lose them. or maybe i'm just not fun enough. bleh.
i get great satisfaction and sense of achievement when they make great progress in their reading, seeing them pick up the words we feed them. and when they use it in their spoken language, it knocks me off my feet and i get this warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest.
and even if it's just saying "open, please" or "good morning, 'cher"...in their own slow, broken, unclear, effortful manner, it makes me proud as hell. coz we know how great an achievement and learning it is for them.
and when they understand your instructions and listen and follow through...it makes my day. especially so for class 1. it's so rare that when it happens, it's a miracle for all of us. and makes the class so much more pleasant and the kids so much more settled.
they can do so many, if only they are given the opportunity. if only they are given the confidence.
i'm happy with my support system. we work well together. but we still could work a bit more on open communication. heh. maybe this monthly report thing will be a good change. *shrug
one year on, i still have plans to go for my masters in the next two years or so. i still intend to work with children with other developmental disabilities. and i still have that feeling that this is my starting point. unless things change and we expand beyond DS children.
but right now, i am happy.
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