The circle

I was moved the first night. By the conviction and faith that revealed itself within Fr David.

Then I was moved by how Nita was shaken on the second night.

And I continued to be challenged then affirmed by how engaging it was.
And I began to see and understand.

Then yesterday I was gently but nicely unraveled and embraced. And while I didn't know it at that moment, and I think I couldn't recognise it for what it was, maybe even some resistance to want to feel it. But it was the quiet question, and the kind comment, that released the dam within.

Then again, maybe the fasting and the prayerful moments of the day did bring me closer to Him, which allowed my being to be less resistant. That even with the disruption, even with distractions, drew me to that quiet corner.

And I feel.

And I realised that it doesn't always come in big quakes. That He doesn't always shake you with His fullness. That He also comes in this gentle way that overwhelms you nonetheless.

That despite the negative feelings like guilt and unworthiness, He is just waiting for you to feel Him with you.

That His love is that gentle, and patient, and kind, and mercifully gracious. And that is overwhelming.

It is still.

And today, the last day of this journey, I was still overwhelmed. I still have reservations. I still have yet to bring forth the conviction to heed His call.

But the gentle peace that flowed through me as we sang the last song. It was beautiful in itself.

As if He was saying: It's OK. Take your time. I'll wait for you but I'll also be there with you.

And what He'd done, I think, is affirming me yet again. Though now stronger than before.

And I just feel like this journey has come to a beautiful circle. Not a full stop. But a nice pause until the next one.