I have to write this down

It was just because I was at the right place at the right time.

Didn't intend to stay the full 9 days.
Was supposed to have a room somewhere on the island instead of here in BM.
Didn't even intend to go for the spiritual talk.

But one thing led to another, I said yes and yes again each time.

And it has been nothing but a blessing.

Today... It came to a very nice circle. This thing that began unintentionally, or rather intentionally as some would say, came to a very complete circle.

Fr fed the intellectual side of me, and as he did, I opened myself up more naturally and willingly for the Holy Spirit to work in me. And Nita helped to open me up more to listen to Him.

Honestly, until 2 nights ago, it was because of how engaging, and in Nita's words - mesmerising, Fr was with the scriptures, that pulled me every night.

But it was last night that I realised the gentle way of the whole journey, which seeped into my being, that unraveled me.

It wasn't a shake for me. I wasn't shaken. I wasn't shattered.

I was unraveled. Gently but completely.

I still have questions. Lots of them. I still have reservations. Lots of them. I still have a lot that I don't understand. I am still holding back.

But I know that I am more sure than before. I just don't have the courage yet to do what deep down I desire to do.

I just have to remember that this is a never ending journey. That there is no full stop. That it will be full of joy, pain, struggle, peace, and everything else.

Because it is a journey of love with Him.

And until now, these nine days have been the most realistic and grounded experience I have had with God.

And I am glad that He called me again and again to Him. Even when I don't feel worthy.

He asked me to trust in Him.
Now he has asked me to follow Him.