Self doubt and confidence

One-third of the first module is done and over with. The remaining rests on the written assignment. And another written analysis for the research methods module.

It was a presentation based on our observation of the schools in England and of course what we read in the literature and policies.

I have to say I did darn well in preparing for the presentation. In fact, the few exercises leading up to Tuesday's assessment was quite well done too. In fact my colleagues (course mates) and lecturer thinks so.

But. Hah there's always a but.

I don't feel like I have done enough. Quite good.. But not the work that I expected from myself.

Lol..yeah it's no news I'm a perfectionist and always have high expectations on  myself.

I am quite surprised actually with the feedback I keep getting for my work. I never really knew how good my work is sometimes. Coz I know very well how half-@$5ed some of my previous academic work was. And how I still have lots to learn in critical analysis and critiquing.

During the presentation, I wasn't articulate in delivering the content. Heck I didn't sound convincing to my own ears. And I went over time when it was mentioned very specifically many times that it would significantly affect the marks. But I do know that in terms of content, I met the criteria.

Actually if the final grade is affected because of timing.. So be it. I knew very well the consequences and yet didn't practice enough for the delivery. You reap what you sow. Surprisingly I'm not too disappointed or sad about that.

^^

I'm more annoyed with myself for procrastinating and not having enough discipline and endurance to see things to the end.

And I always doubt myself, my own abilities and capabilities. Like now, I still doubt that I have a good grasp of what I've read and what I know. And whether I bring out good discussion and arguments.

My colleagues seem to think so though. And Nataša told me that I just need to have more confidence.

It's not easy to do that though.. When it is a habit I fall back on so easily, developed from as young as I could remember.