Looking at photos of their event makes me feel a sense of loss. That I couldn't spend more time with them. I do hope I still get to see them after this. I wanna see just how big they all have grown.
She asked me to consider going back coz they need good teachers. I do work with them again, just not the way they expect me to. I have my visions about what I want to achieve. Something that might not be fulfilled by going back.
I do feel it's a waste for it to fade away you know. After all I began my career there. I've learned so much from the experience and worked so hard to build it up I just wanna see it continue.
And right now I just don't think I have the strength to go back and put myself in the environment again. But if it's something I have to do called by Him, then I will.
I miss them all though. I wonder if they are all doing well.
I have a huge pride, if you don't know already. And I wonder if with me away they are flourishing into their potential as they should. And if they are understood well. Especially my babies.
I didn't think about it too much into today. Coz I believe that they would come to realise the things I did when given the opportunity. With time. Without me breathing down their necks, imploring them to understand coz I don't have enough time to pass on all I know to them.
I wasn't the person perfect for the job. I didn't communicate and relate with them very well. I was too focused on the work and didn't take the time to nurture the human complexity and relationships. I realise now how ignorant I was.
Damn. Thinking about it now brings back all the complicated emotions from then.
Yes, I still regret that I couldn't do more for them. I regret that I didn't do more to make things right. I regret that I wasn't the nicest person to work with. But again.. Someone said to me: you cannot expect to be best friends with others due to your position, and that's just the way it is.
But I do not regret making the decision to come here. Coz I think the timing is just right.
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