biases and non biases

i have my biases. i'm friendlier, more accommodating and encouraging to some students than others.
i'm more aware of certain students' behaviours and reward them more than others.
i light up when my biases do well, and less so for the few.

i try not to. i make conscious effort everyday to be as nice to the more frustrating ones. and stop myself when my chest feels like bursting with frustration with certain students. and still put on my smile and calm voice and collected composure and motivator mode. of course there were times that it just shot past the reasonable part of me.

suppressing all that last year almost led me down the burnout path. i was lucky it happened late in the year when holidays were approaching.

this past week and a half was a good week. i was even amazed that i wasn't bothered or flustered by their taunts. even from the ones that get on my nerves often. i just was indifferent to their inappropriate attention-seeking behaviour. and handled all that with matter-of-fact attitude and calmly. taking them in stride.

i'm happy i could do that coz i couldn't two months ago.

i'll probably still be less encouraging to the few taunters. maybe when i can consistently be cool and collected with their exasperating inappropriate behaviour, then i can focus more on being more encouraging to them.

but then, i think i should start doing both now. coz i just remembered one advice from a training. look for their positive behaviour rather than just see their negative behaviour. it'll not only help the child but also help yourself and improve your relationship. makes it easier for you also that you won't be negatively affected most of the time. and the child will behave much better as well when he's given the right attention.