sometimes, listening to and reading about other people's stories, i feel like i'm lacking.

that maybe i'm leading a "small" life, that i don't have stuff worthy of telling, that i don't have enough depth in me, that i'm simple-minded, that i'm not a good communicator, that i'm a bore.
that i'm a deviant in the society.

sometimes, it's just plainly because we don't have the same interests. and when i know nothing about something, i don't really talk much, lest i embarrass myself.

i don't know. it wasn't an issue when i was still in school. mainly coz i just like to listen to other people talk, and of course, not to draw too much attention on meself.

but then again, i do realize that i talk a lot sometimes. when it's something i know or feel strongly about. but when i talk, i don't know, maybe i expected a more enthusiastic response? but i find that people aren't really interested. and gradually, i don't feel confident in sharing stuff that really interests me anymore. or stuff that really matters to other people.

sometimes, there are stuff that i really want to share. but i'm afraid of the response. but then keeping it bottled up ain't good either. coz i realized that lately, i haven't been good at screening my words and thoughts carefully. i've become a dumb dumb, not knowing what not to share and when to share and how to share.

i guess all that fear about the responses is taking a toll on me. the lack of "practice".

i should shed that fear, shouldn't i? and see what happens. listen and observe. and learn.
but it's hard.