18

i think i'm still stuck at 18...like a rebellious teenager who refuses to grow up, who refuses to mature.
a result of still staying home with mom and dad?
some part of it.

but the most part, i think, is my own reluctance to take the first step.
afraid of the responsibility, the expectations.
i still wanna indulge...being a child, not an adult, even if i'm now officially one.

coz i still miss those days.
coz i know that if i start to take that first step, i'd go all the way, full throttle, not allowing room for the child part to fight for its existence.
and i'm afraid that part will disappear just like that before i even find the balance.

but for what i wanna do, what i wanna achieve, i need to keep that child part within me.
unfortunately, i have yet to find a way to keep that balance.
yet, i know that time is running out.
but it's not a matter i can rush either.

#_#