Oh grey areas

When I decided to take up psychology, I naively thought that I won't have anything to do with politics and economics. I was wrong though.

On hindsight, no discipline is exclusive from others because we live in a world that is rich with interactions, which make things complex and complicated and therefore no one discipline can exist within its own vacuum by disregarding the others. It's how people, we, live in this world anyway.

Still, when I was doing psychology, my involving politics and economics was only from a detached point of view and approach. Only peripheral considerations about the effects and influences. Never substantive analysis about how it works or its influences and consequences.

Really, I was naive. Or rather ignorant. Purposefully ignorant because I refused to be informed.

Now that I find myself in education (something I thought I would never do but look where am I), I realise again how ignorant I had been.

If anyone tells me I just have to know how to teach my students what they need to know, well they can go knock themselves against the wall. If they tell me that I don't have to bother myself with political, economical, historical, cultural, religious issues, well, I don't know what I'll do. Since I don't wanna go to jail for what I feel like doing.

I know it's not as bad as I describe it above and I'm saying it a bit simplistically. But what I'm trying to say here is that teachers don't just teach. Educators don't just concern themselves with passing on knowledge and building people.

Education is such a complex social issue, provision and need. It's impossible to just look at it, analyse it, and experience it in a simplistic way.

And I find it difficult now that I have to dig into the very thing I was avoiding all this while. Yeah I know about the changes in the system, which I am so not happy about, and discouraging things that are happening year in year out. I just never concerned myself with it. I take a stand every now and then, but feeble ones. Coz when I get into it, it's very difficult to pull me out and usually I become more disillusioned, which is what I'm preserving myself from. And dealing with grey areas is not my strong point.

So yeah it's difficult for me to analyse the political, historical, institutional, economical, cultural, social contexts in relation to education, AND accept (or at least understand) the contradictions, tensions, inadequacy, idiocy, unfairness and injustice that is inherent in the system. The whole damn society. Not just governments and politicians.

And then you realise that you've taken on more than what you bargained for. And you find yourself at a loss at what and where to start with making changes, just when you find your focus again. It's an unpleasant cycle that I constantly find myself in. Every single day.

Today, it struck me that the word "teach" is patronising, condescending. The way it's used. And the way some people think of their work. As if they really know better. Well, myself included.

What I mean here is the sense of 'power' granted to the one who teaches. It feels one-directional, as if education is only about learner gaining knowledge or skills or life lessons. When reality is that it's multi-directional. Well unless the teacher is adamant on not learning, especially from their students - someone who is "less qualified", who "doesn't know anything".

I guess that is probably why I don't think teaching is a noble profession. Especially not what I'm doing. Yeah I agree it takes huge commitment and dedication and patience and persistence and idealism and compassion to become a teacher. But like I said before, I learn so much more. In fact it was a self-centred motivation to begin with, personally.

Since beginning this path, way back when I took the job, it has been a big revelation for me. And it's just getting started. As unwilling as I am to open my eyes to politics and its messiness and ridiculousness, and deal with the dissonance it brings, I have already done so. And there's no turning back.

The question now is: what do I do about it?
Keeping mum is not an option. Folding my hands is not an option.
To take action means risk being scrutinised and condemned and criticised. And even prosecuted. But well that's if I do the extreme. But then again you never know with what's going on at the moment.

There are other ways, I'm sure. It's in the art of going about it.

Will I be ready?