22 June 2012

the day started on a bad note. unrelated to teaching but mood damper nonetheless. lucky i didn't take the call while driving, else i would've been a bad driver.

J called a rain check. Her son fell sick in this bad weather and bad air quality.

but the class went on pretty smoothly. even the superhero was at his good behaviour. rather it's that manipulative boy who brought us trouble. (knew he was trouble since way before. and the parents...frown)
i'd rather deal with the superhero coz he's simpler. everything he does has a straightforward explanation. we just have to look beyond his behaviour. but the manipulative boy, well, the description says it all. not that he manipulates us. rather he does that with his peers, coz he's smart that way. and when he strikes at someone, it's difficult to tell coz he's the kind that does it long after the cause happens. yeah, cunning huh?

anyways, the class went on without sending all of us mad. actually, i felt pretty in control and calm. despite speaking in very firm (stern?) and loud tones, to remind them of class rules, and staring daggers at some of them when they failed to heed my instructions.

i mentioned before that it felt like i'm bipolar. well, if you saw me today, you'd think so too. today, i felt good being bipolar (yep, weird huh) coz i was able to shed the strict side of me and put on the encouraging one relatively easily, switching back and forth on the front and emotionally without feeling weird. i don't know how to explain this. before today, i don't feel comfortable doing the switching thing. usually i stay too long in the strict side (angry side) and forget to get into the positive mode. or i want to stay in the positive mode but inside, i was boiling with mixed feelings that won't ever gel together.

but this past week, i was able to separate and switch. i could identify how i feel at that moment and analyze why. and most importantly, whether i should stay in that emotion or come out from it. and today, i could do it without thinking too much or too long.

afternoon was ok. their usual calm self. except for the small episode at the end of the class with JHii falling from a chair and knocking his inner lip split. my fault for not anticipating him to climb on the chair. my fault for trusting him to come back down safely. my fault for not having the foresight to anticipate his falling. my fault for not catching him in time. at that moment, i confess i couldn't get past my frustration with his persistence and insistence to recognize the current situation and needs. well, i do need more experience and practice. and i'm sorry that it happened on JHii, coz i really like him and enjoy him a lot.

my legs are now sore from two days of vigorous jumping and walking and standing and running. my mind is working at the tangled knots and thickening web. i'm feeling apprehensive, no, terrified really, about the whole business of uni application.

i'm glad it's the weekend. good night.