not meaning what i say

sometimes, i don't mean what i say. not because i have no heart, not because i don't process my thoughts.

but because, i don't wanna offend people, and to take care of their feelings. and of course, not to create trouble for myself.

but then, eventually in some ways...i will suffer the consequence of not speaking my mind.

which sometimes is bearable. 

but in those times that aren't, well...let's just say it doesn't make me a happy person.

i'll drop hints here and there, consciously and unconsciously. but usually only people who knows a lot about me notices the difference. sometimes they'd bother but most times they don't. coz that's just how i am.

but if you see me getting worked up, u'd know that i'm really bothered.

but there are also times that i am really blur and say things i don't mean. which almost always lands me in trouble.

sigh...and then i'd wish i'm really street/people-smart. and also eloquent. and also quick on my feet.

but things don't always go my way, or the society's way. so...i'll have to live with it.

i want to be a person that means every word i say. but i find it difficult to be.

i want to be honest. but sometimes, honesty isn't the best policy.