This Blog of Mine

i started it with a mind to connect with my currently faraway friends, as a record of some of my memories, and as a place where i could freely express myself.

but of course, i couldn't freely express myself without some censorship.
and until 2 months ago, i still wrote with audiences in my mind.
the past 2 months...i felt this strong connection with this place, with those people that i know are reading my blog, that i started pouring myself almost without restrictions into my words.
and last week, i almost made a big mistake.
[some of you might have an idea what it is]

and suddenly, i don't feel the vibe from this blog anymore. it's becoming a threat to me. even though i don't want it to be so.
coz i really like this blog. of course...it's my own words.
even though i am not happy with some of the things i said here, i still like this blog coz it allows me to look back at myself and reflect.

but...a blog is ultimately a blog.
it belongs in this virtual, practically-no-privacy world.
anyone can read this without my knowing, without making themselves known. and i feel scared thinking about it.
i feel naked.

yes, it's a channel to connect with other people.
yes, it's a channel where we share information.
yes, it's a channel where "theoretically" there are no boundaries.

BUT

freedom of expression?
it's just another show you put on for people to see.

connecting with people?
here's another social restriction, where whatever you say might be held against you.
and to a certain extent, a social divide, where face-to-face meaningful interactions are reduced to minimum. coz they find it safe and comfortable to say it in the virtual world, but cannot bring themselves to say it out loud in the real world. a unidimensional communication.

i don't feel like posting anymore.
even if i know how to encrypt my posts, it's a bother.
even if i can lock this blog as private, i don't have the energy to do it.
and i have no inclination of deleting this blog, coz like i said, it holds a part of my memory.

will i blog in here again? maybe.
but for now, goodbye folks.
thank you all for reading and commenting all this while.
i liked it.