sharing

never let people get wind of the problem u r facing n burden them.

people...especially working people say that.

but...that day while talking...someone else says: "why can't we share our experiences, feelings? after all, others might benefit from knowing."

such simple thing, isn't it? but it's not so simple when it happens. no?

why do some people only share joy but not pain?

why do some people share only pain but not joy?

why do some people not share anything?

who do u share your deepest thoughts, deepest secrets, deepest feelings, deepest fears with?

n when u do share the stuff mentioned above, do u fear rejection, do u fear losing control, or do u feel free??

n when u share, what would the other person think, feel, do?

would u share further after sharing some?

me...i mull over these questions all the time. even with my closest friends.

i don't know. maybe it's coz of what happened millions of years ago. even though i've let go of it, the damage done may be not as mild as i think. i guess i really need to deal with it at a deeper level.

on another hand, however, i believe i've stepped halfway out of my comfort zone. n i don't regret it. in fact, it gets easier. n i thank all who helped me there.

still...i still have some fears. couldn't help it though. n it bothers me quite.

coz i don't wanna restrain myself when i'm with people i trust.

but in this collectivist culture, u just need to. all the time. or risk offending people. something my dad always say. n something i tend not to pay attention to.

"be careful of what u say. don't offend people. it's better to make friends than enemies."

i do realize...often way after i've said something, that i shouldn't have said it in the first place. my mouth does act faster than my mind. on certain things. n then i'll regret it so much n self-blame. or i'll be so embarrassed n not recover for a long long time.

n i thank my best friends. for accepting me for who i am. for putting up with my crazy antics and ramblings. for being straightforward with me all the time. for sticking with me all this while.

though i'm being a bad friend for not keeping in touch with u as frequent as i imagined i would be, i thank u for being there for me when i need it the most. i need to be more verbal n expressive with u, don't i?

thank u very much. love u all.