Tension

感觉最近工作不是很顺。

Tension high. Stress high. Pressure high.

Constructive communication is almost zero.
Initiative is at its low.

渐渐觉得这真的不是我想要的。

First time experiencing an outburst from her. Subtle, but still an outburst. I guess she's having a hard time with so many things going on. I suspect something is up on the home/personal front also.

Shouldn't feel bad but I do.

There are things I wanna say to them but never did. Always waiting for people to take the initiative. But then again, it's written on the wall. So, you should be aware of it and just do it. What's so hard about that? Do you need a babysitter? You think I love doing all those things? Yeah..I like doing some. But I like it better if you could help us out once in a while. I'm tired of waiting for you or asking you to do it.

It's exhausting my spirit that I'm not feeling the similar passion and drive from you. It's exhausting that you take our kindness for granted. It's exhausting that you're not taking certain responsibilities seriously.

If you think all is pink, rosy and comfy, think again.

I should let go, stop having expectations, stop seeing. But I do, see.
I try to ignore. But I do see, and feel.
I try to keep my mouth shut. Coz I don't wanna overstep the line. But it's only so far I can take. And I can feel myself reaching the end of the road.

I hope the lessons I'm taking, and the attempts I'm making, will help me to communicate with all of you better. Without offending anyone.

And I'll try not to feel bad and hurt if you still get offended. Coz it's your problem. Unless the problem came from me.

Ok. I think that's all I can think of to say before I set myself to enjoy my holiday. I hope there's nothing else.