a parent said that during the final lunch of the workshop.
i feel like telling him straight away, that he doesn't have to bother about what other people think. but i know that's not enough to convince him and all the other parents. he still has quite a bit to go to reach that state of mind.
this kind of acceptance doesn't come easily for parents. and to not worry about what other people might think of them, is harder even. we are social creatures after all. we want to belong in fundamental ways to the norm, we want to conform to the norm. to stand out because their child doesn't fit the society's dictate of "normal", is a tough pill to swallow and digest. coz they themselves learned and accepted and embraced what constitutes "normal" way before their child was born.
and now that they have to face their own prejudice/bias/discrimination/fear/confusion so closely at home, full-time, of course it is a rough path to tread on. they have to go through lots and lots of battles with themselves before coming to accept that dealing with people's prejudice and rejection and pity is part of their lives. and that it really doesn't matter what kind of reaction they get from other people coz they themselves know their child best. they themselves know how important the child is to the family. and how well-loved he/she is.
one reply to that statement that i think is very powerful is: "who defines normal? you? me? for all you know, to the special needs people, we the "normal" person, might be considered abnormal to them!"
how about that?
yes, we get slanted looks. yes, we hear the whispers. yes, we get confronted.
because those who do that do not quite understand special needs. because they have minimal contact with special needs people. because their prejudice overrides their compassion to extend their kindness and understanding to those that they do not understand.
but it doesn't mean that we have to behave and think the same way. more so, we need to be patient and understanding. to create the awareness. to bridge the gap.
too much to ask?
maybe. but to me, it's worth it. coz everyone, regardless of their flaws, strengths and differences, has every right to be loved and cared for. our efforts might not be enough to change other people's opinion and attitude, but that's ok. just remember that we tried our best. and if it's not enough, try harder. but if we still get disappointed or disheartened in the end, remember that we are not superman, or God. we could only change ourselves, not other people.
to think that does not mean admitting defeat or giving up. it just means to choose our battles wisely and having the courage to back down when it's not working out. and then find other ways to continue the battle. this is as much to preserve our sanity as to protect our heart and soul. coz without those, we won't be able to continue on the journey till the end. and for me, i want to walk on this path till the end even though i might not reach the light. seeing the light throughout the path will suffice for me.
parents, family members, friends...what matters not is what other people think about the special individual or you. what matters most is what you think about the special individual, and how you treat him/her. your thoughts, behaviour and attitude towards the individual will be projected to those who see you. and you will notice that people will react based on your example. if you're positive, then it'll be positive. if you're negative, then it'll be negative.
which one do you choose?
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