resistance to a certain someone

it's really difficult.
knowing that you yourself can't stand someone but need to do so to avoid complications in life.
and it's especially difficult if that someone is someone close to you.
and that if you keep poking that person, u'll disrupt the harmonious atmosphere in the circle.
and that if you can't control the urge to take action, u'll dig your own grave in a very undignified way.

i'm now working hard on being indifferent when it comes to this person. coz i don't know what else i could do about my reactions when it involves her. yeah...it's that serious.

i don't wanna make the life of the people i care difficult by going against her anytime at all.
but i really cannot stand it when she does something that really pushes my buttons.
and it really tests my patience, tolerance and determination to not respond to her actions and words.

and yes....often times....i lose it. my endurance and resolve.
and then i end up getting piercing stares and invisible arrows all around.
and then i destroy the atmosphere.
and then i make the people i care embarrassed and angry.
though i tell you....most of the time.....i'm right. [at least i think i am right most of the times]

and here i am....a psychology student.
someone who's theoretically capable of controlling their own buttons.
someone who, theoretically, can control their behaviours.
someone who, theoretically, is capable of regulating their emotions.
someone who, theoretically, can communicate appropriately.

well...evidently......i still have a lot to learn.
and yes...this is a golden opportunity for learning.
but damn i really hate this class.

i need a new perspective to look at this situation. and i need coping strategies. and communication lessons.

right now....the only resolution i can think of for this situation is endure, endure and endure.
whatever she says or does, i'll pretend i didn't notice them.
and if i have any opinions at all, i'll swallow it.

and actually...i'm glad that i'm having a busy week =)

though it's bad and disrespecting of me to say so....i'm glad i'm not going to this sunday's lunch coz i won't have to see nor hear her manipulative ways